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How
to make your Wife happy ?
The
following is a summary of the book "How to make your
wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
Beautiful
Reception
After
returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated
you:
Begin
with a good greeting.
Start
with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a
du'aa for her as well.
Shake
her hand and leave bad news for later!
Sweet
Speech and Enchanting Invitations
Choose words
that are positive and avoid negative ones.
Give her your
attention when you speak of she speaks.
Speak with
clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
Call her with
the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey,
saaliha, etc.
Friendliness
and Recreation
Spend time
talking together.
Spread to her
goods news.
Remember your
good memories together.
Games
and Distractions
Joking around
& having a sense of humor.
Playing and
competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Taking her to
watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
Avoiding
prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
Assistance
in the Household
Doing what
you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially
if she is sick or tired.
The most
important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her
hard work.
Consultation
(Shurah)
Specifically
in family matters.
Giving her
the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
Studying her
opinion carefully.
Be willing to
change an opinion for hers if it is better.
Thanking her
for helping him with her opinions.
Visiting
Others
Choosing well
raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward
in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time
while visiting!)
Pay attention
to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
Not forcing
her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
Conduct
During Travel
Offer a warm
farewell and good advice.
Ask her to
pray for him.
Ask pious
relatives and friends to take care of the family in your
absence.
Give her
enough money for what she might need.
Try to stay
in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
Return as
soon as possible.
Bring her a
gift!
Avoid
returning at an unexpected time or at night.
Take her with
you if possible.
Financial
Support
The husband
needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He
should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
He gets
rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a
small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
He is
strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
Smelling
Good and Physical Beautification
Intercourse
It is
obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness,
etc.)
Start with
"Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
Enter into
her in the proper place only (not the anus).
Begin with
foreplay including words of love.
Continue
until you have satisfied her desire.
Relax and
joke around afterwards.
Avoid
intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
Do what you
can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty)
such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do
it first while he is looking on.
Avoid
positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you
are heavy.
Choose
suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes
she maybe sick or exhausted.
Guarding
Privacy
Avoid
disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her
personal problems and other private matters.
Aiding
in the Obedience to Allah
Wake her up
in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl"
(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
Teach her
what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
Teach her
"Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening.
Encourage her
to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
Take her to
Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
Showing
Respect for her Family and Friends
Take her to
visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
Invite them
to visit her and welcome them.
Give them
presents on special occasions.
Help them
when needed with money, effort, etc..
Keep good
relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah
and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends
and family.
(Islamic)
Training & Admonition
This
includes:
The
basics of Islam
Her
duties and rights
Reading
and writing
Encouraging
her to attend lessons and halaqahs
Islamic
rules (ahkam) related to women
Buying
Islamic books and tapes for the home library
Admirable
Jealousy
Ensure she is
wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
Restrict free
mixing with non-mahram men.
Avoiding
excess jealousy.
Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading
her speech by meanings that she did not
mean
2- Preventing her from going out of
the house when the reasons are just.
3-
Preventing her from answering the phone.
Patience
and Mildness
Problems are
expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is
excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
Anger should
be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV,
etc..
Forgive the
mistakes she does to you.
Correcting
her Mistakes
First,
implicit and explicit advice several times.
Then by
turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note
that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,
leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
The last
solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case,
the husband should consider the following:
He
should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH
never beat a woman or a servant.
He
should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.
refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not
praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time
without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,
etc..
It
should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
He
should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or
on sensitive parts of her body.
He
should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,
etc.
Pardoning
and Appropriate Censure
Accounting
her only for larger mistakes.
Forgive
mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
Remember all
the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
Remember that
all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she
is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment
to Islam is growing.
Avoid
attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet
PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the
food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does
not comment.
Before
declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that
are more subtle than direct accusations
Escape from
using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
When it
becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others.
Waiting until
the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your
words.
Finally, please
make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for
the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam
Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us
our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association
University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.
Taken from :
www.Al-Haramain.org Newsletter
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