Dating

According to Quran and Sunnah

The Noble Qur'an - Al-Ma'idah 5:5

...(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. ...

"Shacking up" brings a curse taken to the grave

Hadith - Sahih Muslim, Narrated AbudDarda'

AbudDarda' related from the Prophet of Allah that he came upon a (slave) woman who was in the advanced stage of pregnancy at the

door of a tent. He said: Perhaps he (the man accompanying her) intends to cohabit with her. They said: Yes. Thereupon Allah's Messenger said: I had decided to curse him with such a curse as may go along with him to his grave. How can he own him (the child to be born) and that is not lawful for him, and how can be take him as a servant for that is not lawful for him?

Sex outside of marriage is prohibited

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 817, Narrated Zaid bin Khalid

Allah's Apostle ordered that an unmarried man who committed illegal sexual intercourse be scourged one hundred lashes and sent into exile for one year.

A Muslim cannot date and should always have the intentions not be alone with a non-mahram; if it is your intentions not to be alone with a non-mahram, but circumstances beyond your control mandate that you are (such as entering a store, placing an order, calling a plumber to fix an emergency leak), that is different.  It must be your intentions not to be alone with a non-mahrahm person, though.

Islam protects us from ourselves by segregating men from women who are not directly related (these people are known as mahrham) as specific in the Qur'an.  Instead of dating, a Muslim and Muslimah meet in a pre-arranged place (such as a room in the Masjid) with a wali/witness/guardian/escort present in the room.  The couple will discuss a marriage contract and ask questions of importance to them regarding marriage.  The best person to seek for a spouse is the pious.     

Being alone with a non-mahram

Hadith - Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi 3118, Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab , Tirmidhi transmitted it.

The Prophet said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Book 25, Number 5403, Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Some persons from Banu Hisham entered the house of Asma' daughter of Umays when AbuBakr also entered (and she was at that time his wife). He (AbuBakr) saw it and disapproved of it and he made a mention of that to Allah's Messenger and said: I did not see but good only (in my wife).

Thereupon Allah's Messenger said: Verily Allah has made her immune from all this. Then Allah's Messenger stood on the pulpit and said: After this day no man should enter the house of another person in his absence, but only when he is accompanied by one person or two persons.

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Book 25, Number 5399, Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah

Allah's Messenger said: Behold, no person should spend the night with a married woman, but only in case he is married to her or he is her Mahram.

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3119, Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah
The Prophet said, "Do not visit women whose husbands are away from home, for the Devil circulates in you like your blood." He was asked if this applied to him also and said, "To me also, but Allah has helped me against him so that I may be safe." [Tirmidhi transmitted it.]

Fatawa on Phone Usage

Question: What is the ruling concerning a young man who is not married speaking to a young lady who is also not married over the telephone?

Response: It is not allowed to speak with a non-related woman with any speech that stirs desires, such as in a flirtatious, coquettish or soft manner. This is not allowed whether it is over the telephone or otherwise. Allah has said,

• "Be not soft in speech, lest those in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire" (al-Ahzab 32).

There is no harm in casual speech due to some need if it is free from any sort of evil. However, such speech must be restricted to only what is necessary.

Shaikh ibn Jibreen

Note: "what is necessary" does not include emotional desires or 'needs'.  This is referring to accomplishing things that are necessary and cannot be avoided, i.e. there is no appropriate person available to talk to in order to accomplish the needed goal or item. For instance, speaking with a doctor or mechanic, store clerk to inquire as to a price, etc., is that which is necessary.  Socializing is not considered that which is necessary, even in the workplace.

Symptom: Feeling weak?
Prescription: Lower gaze, Do your prayers

The Noble Qur'an 24:30

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.

Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 9, Hadith No. 409

Narrated Ibn Mas'uud r.a.: A man kissed a woman and then came to Allah's Messenger saaws and told him of that, so this Divine Inspiration was revealed to the Prophet saaws:- "And offer prayers perfectly at the two ends of the day, and in some hours of the night; [i.e. (five) compulsory prayers]. (Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (small sins). That is a reminder for the mindful." (Qur'an 11:114) The man said, "Is this instruction for me only?" The Prophet saaws said, "It is for all those of my followers who encounter a similar situation."

Action Items for the uttaqun:

• Avoid being alone with a non-mahram except out of necessity and when unavoidable.

• Respect yourself and your body; wait until marriage for sex.  More importantly, obey your Lord; wait until marriage for sex.

• Don't do like the kaffirs, who date. Do as your Lord commands you. Trust that Allah swt knows what is best for you.   

Remember... Allah, subhana watala, sees everything we do!

============================================================

Marriage (Nikaah)

According to Quran and Sunnah

And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us
from our wives and our offspring
who will be the comfort of our eyes,
and make us leaders for the Muttaqûn"

Those will be rewarded with the highest place
(in Paradise) because of their patience.
Therein they shall be met with greetings
and the word of peace and respect.

(Qur'an 25:74-75)

The order to Marry

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1, Narrated Anas bin Malik

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4, Narrated 'Abdullah

We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

Saying of Salaf - Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah

Sufyân ibn ‘Uyaynah (rahimahullâh) said, "The most nimble of creatures still have need of a voice. The cleverest women still need to have a husband, and the cleverest man still needs to consult wise men."

Al-Mahr (The Dowry)

The Noble Qur'an 4:4

And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful).

Stipulations in Marriage Contract

Hadith - Abu Dawud and AI-Hakim on the authority of Abi hurairah, Sahih Al- Jami AI-Sayhir, (No. 6714)

Regarding contracts the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: The rights are decided by the conditions.

Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.6.16

Yahya related to me from Malik that he had heard that Said ibn al-Musayyab was asked about a woman who made a stipulation on her husband not to take her away from her town. Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "He takes her away if he wishes."

Malik said, "The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him."

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Mughni:

“If he married her on the condition that he should not make her move from her house or her city, then this condition is valid, because it was reported that the Prophet said: ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ If he married her on the condition that he will not marry another wife, then she has the right to leave him if he does take another wife.” In conclusion, then, the conditions of the marriage contract are divided into three types, one of which must be adhered to, which is of benefit to the wife, such as her being able to stipulate that he cannot make her move from her house or city, or travel with him, or take another wife or a concubine. He has to adhere to these conditions, and if he does not, then she has the right to annul the marriage.” [Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, part 7, Kitaab al-Nikaah]

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked this question and he replied in Al-Fataawa al-Kubra:

“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?

Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.” [al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 3, Kitaab al-Nikaah].

The noted scholar Ibn 'Uthaimeen has stated:

It is the right of the woman to make stipulations at the writing of the marriage contract as she wishes and if these stipulations do not contradict Islamic law then the husband must fulfill them. For example, that he not marry a second wife and that if he does to dissolve the first marriage. This is not a problem. However, a new prospective wife cannot stipulate that the first wife be divorced before he marries her. I must say however that a first wife should not make such a stipulation that her husband not marry a second wife. I fear that if a woman makes this stipulation that the husband will, if he desires to marry a second woman, simply divorce the first one straight away [i.e. not even give her consideration] and it would no be to her benefit. Therefore I advise the woman not to make such a stipulation because this may be a manner by which the husband is able to follow a good sunnah.

The Limit of What can be seen of the Woman Whom One Seeks to Marry
Sheikh Ibn Baz, May Allah have Mercy on him

Question: If a young man proposes marriage to a young lady is it obligatory that he sees her? Also, is it correct that the young lady uncover her head to show more of her beauty to her proposing fiance? Please benefit us and may Allaah benefit you.

Answer: There is no harm (in the man seeing her), however it is not obligatory. Rather, it is recommended that he sees her and she sees him, because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) commanded the one who proposed marriage to look at the woman. This is because that is better for causing agreement and harmony between them. So if she uncovers her face for him, and her hands and her head, there is no harm in that according to the correct opinion. Some of the people of knowledge have said that it is sufficient for her to uncover the face and the two hands. However, the correct opinion is that there is no harm in him seeing her head, face, hands and feet, based upon the mentioned hadeeth (above). However, this is not permissible with him being alone with her. Rather, her father, or brother, or someone else must be with them. This is because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "A man must never be alone with a woman unless there is someone who is a Mahram with them." (Agreed upon in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim.) He (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) also said, "A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third." (At-Tirmithee and Ahmad)

Source: Sheikh ibn Baz, Al-Fataawaa ash-Shar'iyyah fil-Masaa'il il-'Asriyyah min Fataawaa 'Ulamaa' il-Balad il-Haraam, pp. 498-499. Translated by Aqeel Walker

Rights over one another

Hadith - Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 50, Number 882. Narrated Uqba bin Amir

Allah's Apostle said, "From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled."

The following examples of behavior of a husband are haram (prohibited) and can lead to disobedience (to Allah) in the wife.

Al-Bahuti al-Hanbali, Kishaaf al-Qinaa’ an Matn al-Iqnaa’, vol. 5, pp. 184, 290, 213; Ibn Abideen, Radd al-Mukhtar ala al-Darr al-Mukhtar wa Hashiyah, vol. 3, p. 190; Tafseer al-Manaar, vol. 5, p. 76.

"He [the husband] may cause his wife different forms of harm, such as cursing her or her family, reviling her, verbally abusing her for the tiniest of reasons. He may insult her because of her family, if it is less prestigious or honorable than his. Or he may try to bring harm to her by divorcing her and then, before the waiting period is finished, bring her back as his wife and then divorce her again. All this is done without the intention of returning to a real married life but simply to harm her and transgress her rights. Or he may avoid having sexual intercourse with her for no reason or legal sanction. This may lead the woman to lose her chastity and doing something forbidden."

The Noble Qur'an Al-Baqarah 2:228

...And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami

The Prophet said, "...Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing."

Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 3.189, Narrated Abu Juhaifa

Salman told Abu Ad-Darda', "Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who has a right on you." Abu Ad-Darda' came to the Prophet and narrated the whole story. The Prophet said, "Salman has spoken the truth."

Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 3.501, Narrated Abu Huraira

...The Prophet said, "The best amongst you is the one who pays the rights of others generously."

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #276, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami

Amr heard the Prophet say in his farewell address on the eve of his Last Pilgrimage, after he had glorified and praised Allah, he cautioned his followers: 'Listen! Treat women kindly; they are like prisoners in your hands. Beyond this you do not owe anything from them. Should they be guilty of flagrant misbehaviour, you may remove them from your beds, and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe punishment. Then if they obey you, do not have recourse to anything else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.' [Transmitted by Tirmidhi]

The Noble Qur'an 5:1

O you who believe! Fulfill (your) obligations. ...

Some Marriage Conditions That Must Not Exist

The Noble Qur'an 24:3

The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely he is either an adulterer, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater, etc.) And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress, etc.)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism).

The Noble Qur'an 5:5

(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.

The Noble Qur'an Al-Mumtahinah 60:10

O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them, Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give the disbelievers that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr) and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh. He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.

Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.8.21

Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "It is forbidden to be married to a woman and her paternal or maternal aunt at the same time, and for a man to have intercourse with a female slave who is carrying another man's child."

Hadith - Muwatta 28.54

Yahya related to me from Malik from Rabia ibn Abi Abd ar-Rahman that al-Qasim ibn Muhammad and Urwa ibn az-Zubayr said that a man who had four wives and then divorced one of them irrevocably, could marry straightaway if he wished, and he did not have to wait for the completion of her idda.

Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.11.26:

Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu'z-Zubayr al-Makki that a case was brought to Umar about a marriage which had only been witnessed by one man and one woman . He said, "This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. Had I been the first to come upon it, I would have ordered them to be stoned."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 48, Number 813, Narrated Ibn 'Abbas

The Prophet said about Hamza's daughter, "I am not legally permitted to marry her, as [Islamic] foster relations are treated like blood relations (in marital affairs). She is the daughter of my foster brother."

Temporary Marriage

Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.18.41:

Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Abdullah and Hasan, the sons of Muhammad ibn Ali ibn Abi Talib from their father, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah forbade temporary marriage with women and the flesh of domestic donkeys on the Day of Khaybar.

Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.18.42

Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Urwa ibn az-Zubayr that Khawla ibn Hakim came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and said, ''Rabia ibn Umayya made a temporary marriage with a woman and she is pregnant by him.'' Umar ibn al-Khattab went out in dismay dragging his cloak, saying, "This temporary marriage, had I come across it, I would have ordered stoning and done away with it! "

How to Approach a Woman for Marriage

Hadith - Muwatta 28.1

Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Yahya ibn Habban from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah said, "Do not ask for a woman in marriage when another Muslim has already done so."

Words from Sheikh al Albaani
may Allah have mercy on him

Words of Advice to the Husband and the Wife
by: Sheikh al Albaani

The husband and wife need to be compliant, cooperative and conciliatory toward one another, and to advise each other and urge each other toward obedience to Allah subhana wa ta'ala, following all of His ruling which have been clearly established in the Qur'an and the Sunnah. These must never be superceded by blind following of any religious or other figures, or any custom or school of thought which has predominated among the people. Allah aza wa jal says "It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error. " [al ahzab:33-36]

Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obligated them toward the other...thus, the wife should not try to have all of the same rights as her husband, and the husband must never exploit the role of leadership and authority to which he has been assigned in the marriage relationship to oppress her, strike her or to be otherwise unfair to her.

Allah said: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree of advantage over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. [al baqarah:228]

Allah also said "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill­conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. " [an-nisaa:34]

Mu'awiya ibn Haida radi Allahu anhu said "O rasulullah, what rights do our wives have over us?" Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam said "That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them, (referring to the custom of the Arabs when they are angry they say 'May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them in the face, and in boycotting the marital bed, do not go outside of the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these things) after you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regard to her (for valid reasons). [ahmed/sahih]

In another hadith rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said "The doers of justice will be on thrones of light at Allah's right Hand and both of Allah's hands are right hands- whose who were just in their ruling, with their families and in all that over which there were given authority." [Muslim]

When they both know and practice this, Allah subhana wa ta'ala grants them a good life and they will live for as long as they remain together- in the bliss of happiness. Allah said "Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions." [an nahl:97]

A Pious Poor Pious Man is a Better Marriage Suitor than a Rich Man Who is Not Pious

Hadith - Bukhari 7.28, Narrated Sahl

A man passed by Allah's Apostle and Allah's Apostle asked (his companions) "What do you say about this (man)?" They replied, "If he asks for a lady's hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to." Allah's Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, an Allah's Apostle asked (them) "What do you say about this man?" They replied, "If he asks for a lady's hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to." Allah's Apostle (saaws) said, "This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth."

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.' [Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]

Related Links:
 Wives
Wali

Action Items for the uttaqun:

• Single muslims should have intentions to marry as soon as Islamically permissible and a suitable candidate for marriage is available.

  • For a female, it is permissible to marry at any time near puberty.

  • For a man, he is ordered to marry after puberty once he has established a means to support a family.

  • It is recommended (in order to avoid being jailed) to not marry until old enough according to the laws in the land they live, but it is Islamically permissible before that. In the U.S., the typical legally permissible age is 14 or 15 with a parent's permission, but it will vary depending on where you live, so check with the local authorities first.

  • Neither should refuse marriage to a suitable muslim marriage candidate.

  • A woman is permitted (if she so chooses) to marry a poor man of good character, but she must not marry a non-Muslim.

  • A muslim man may only marry a muslim or non-polytheist christian or jew who is chaste.

• A mahr/dowry (gift from the man to the new wife) should be agreed upon before the actual marriage.

  • The dowry can be anything halal that they agree upon and it is obligatory that she is given a dowry. It is recommended that the dowry is something appropriate to his income level and ability to give.

  • Although jewelry is permissible to be given as the dowr or part of the dowr, it should not be an imitation of christian traditions, such as a diamond ring worn on the left third finger and given as part of the marriage ceremony.

• A couple may stipulate in the marriage contract that he will not take on an additional wife, only under the agreement that if he does this, they will get divorced.

  • As a muslimah, this is not necessarily to your benefit to make such a stipulation.  For instance, you could become paralyzed from the waist down, and if your husband were to want a second wife, he would have to divorce you, but Allah swt in His Infinite Wisdom, has made provisions that would allow you to remain secure and his wants still be fulfilled.  Not that he must find another wife under such a circumstance, but it is his right, and you may love him so much that you want him to take on another wife, but at the same time you very likely may not want a divorce.  This is only one such example. Recognize that you cannot fortell the future and trust Allah's provisions for up to four wives as a blessing for you and not a bad thing.  No-one is saying that the man should have up to four wives, but that under certain conditions, there is a great wisdom and benefit in this arrangement.  Allahu Alam.

  • What is agreed upon in the marriage contract, on any halal matter, stands - unless the two come to a mutual agreement to change this stipulation, so long as there is nothing haram they agree to do, etc. So, she can waive that right - upon mutual agreement only - keeping in mind that the original marriage contract takes precedence over arguements or disputes later in the marriage.

• A man who has four wives cannot divorce one wife and marry another  woman while the divorced wife is still in her iddah (waiting period) , UNLESS the divorce was irrevocable, i.e. it was her third divorce.

• A marriage should be witnessed by at least two men, or four women, or one man and two women.

• The rights of a husband include:

  • Halal marital relations to the degree that they are able

  • That the wife will guard in the husband's absence what Allah has ordered her to guard (i.e. her chastity, his property, secrets in the bed between the two)

  • That she would not fast while in his presence, without his permission.

    • If it is an obligatory fast, he still has rights to deny it if he has a valid reason, such as believing that the fast would be a severe risk to her health, and he must allow the obligatory fast of Ramadan if there is no valid reason to forbid it.

    • As to when she is to make up the Ramadan fast days that she did not make due to her menstrual, he must cooperate with her desires to make it up promptly, but he still can deny that the fast be done at certain times as he decides what he believes is best for her and for the marriage overall.

    • For non-obligated fasts, he should encourage the piety of fasting in general, but he is not obligated to permit each request to fast if they will be in each other's presence during the fast.

  • To move the wife, have her travel with him, or to have up to four wives unless previously stipulated before marriage

  • That she will not spend his money against his halal orders

  • That she will not permit anyone to enter his house except with his permission

  • If seeing ill behavior from the wife, he has the right to first admonish her, then after that he may refuse to share the bed, then he may beat her lightly (in a way that does not leave marks or damage the body, as this is for a reminder to the call of Islam, not a punishment to inflict any physical harm). If at any time, she returns to obedience to Allah, swt, he should stop any means of annoyance upon her.

• The rights of a wife include:

  • To have a muslim husband whose general aqeedah (beliefs/creed) and minhaj (methodology) is Qur'an and Sunnah

  • Halal marital relations to the degree that they are able

  • To refuse to move, travel, or be a co-wife if previously stipulated before marriage

  • To be clothed and fed as well as the husband, from his means.

    • Also that her dependent children are so clothed and fed by her new husband where the provisions of the biological father fall short (such as a deceased or deadbeat biological father), unless stipulated otherwise prior to marriage. But then of course they would have to stipulate how they intend to provide for the kids and what they will do if the situation changes (such as the biological father dies).  The biological father is obligated first and foremost to provide for them within his means, but the new husband is also responsible for the protection and maintenance of those within his care.

      • The husband is responsible for maintaining the wife. If the wife has children from a previous marriage, providing for her children is a need she has. The new husband's job includes maintaining this aspect of the wife's needs.

        • Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. ... (Qur'an 4:34)

        • The best of what you consume is that which you have earned. And your children are part of what you have earned. [al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasai. Al-Albani has graded it sahih. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 1, p. 326.]

      • The new husband is not responsible for the latest nintendo game or everything any child feels he wants. But just like everything under his roof, there comes a sense of responsibility with seeing that it is adequately cared for. If he buys an item as small as a pencil, he is not allowed to abuse it or be negligent and destructive; instead, he must be responsible with everything Allah swt has put in his care. He should not pay the price of a house for a toy, buy a piece of furniture and then let children vandalize it, or allow haram things in the house. Why? Because it is his responsibility to (properly) maintain everything he has, including his body, because it is a sin not to take care of it. When we see that he is responsible for taking care of the physical things like furniture and maintenance of the actual house, we must stop to realize that the rights of a child are much greater than this man's right to a new carpet! The husband is responsible for seeing that everything under his roof is adequately cared for and properly prioritized.  

        • And give to the kindred his due and to the Miskîn (poor) and to the wayfarer. But spend not wastefully (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift . [Qur'an 17:26]

        • ...That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves [Ahmed/sahih]

        • And the man is responsible for his household and will be asked about his responsibility [Bukhari]

        • Hind (bint 'Utba) said to the Prophet, "Abu Sufyan is a miserly man and I need to take some money of his wealth." The Prophet (saaws) said, "Take reasonably what is sufficient for you and your children." [Bukhari 9.291, Narrated 'Aisha]

          • The Prophet (saaws) said, "You will not find me to be miserly, cowardly, or a liar." [Muwatta 21.22]

          • Allah's Messenger (saaws) said, "The generous man is near Allah, near Paradise, near men and far from Hell, but the miserly man is far from Allah, far from Paradise, far from men and near Hell. Indeed, an ignorant man who is generous is dearer to Allah than a worshipper who is miserly." [Tirmidhi 1869, Narrated Abu Huraira]

  • That when the husband boycotts the marital bed, he does not leave the house to do so

  • Equal time with her husband if she is a co-wife (i.e. it is a polyganous marriage)

  • That the husband does not invoke evil upon her from Allah, swt, such as saying "may Allah make your face ugly"

  • That she is never striked in the face or ever hit in a way to cause physical injury.

Remember... Allah, subhana watala, sees everything we do!

============================================================

Wali

According to Quran and Sunnah

What is a wali?

Protector, Guardian, Supporter, Helper, Friend etc.  [plural 'Auliyâ]  see 33:17

The wali is the represention/mediator/guardian for women seeking marriage.

Who needs a Wali for marriage?

Men do not need a wali.  

Women who have previously had marital relations with a man, can represent themselves and do not have to have a wali for seeking the husband, but they WILL need a wali for the actual marriage contract, i.e. Regardless, she still must not be alone with a non-mahram man, and she MAY of course, and is encouraged to, have a wali be involved to whatever level she is comfortable with. All of this is for her protection, so that she may be protected from inquiries by inappropriate men and possibly "fall in love" and regret it later. This way, the men's character is first screened for her, still leaving her with the ultimate decision.

Note that it may be argued that new reverts to Islam are as innocent as a virgin (since all sins are forgiven upon embracing Islam) and is recommended for new muslimahs have a wali for seeking marriage.

• The Prophet SAAWS said: "A guardian has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and an orphan girl (i.e. virgin) must be consulted, her silence being her acceptance." [Sunan of Abu Dawud 2095, Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas]

• Malik bin Anas told us from 'Abdallah bin yazid- freed slave of al-aswad bin sufyan- from Abu Salma bin AbdalRahman from Fatimah, daughter of Qays who said,: Her husband divorced her and the Apostle of Allah ordered her to fullfil the 'Iddah in the house of Ibn Umm Maktum before she could lawfully remarry, and told her to let him know when she had become lawful for remarriage. When the time had come, she told him that Mu'awiyah bin Abu Sufyan and Abu Jahm had proposed to her.......

• Umm Salamah, r.a., a widowed woman, was proposed in marriage by Abu Bakr, and refused. Then she was proposed to by Umar and she refused.  Then she was proposed to by Prophet Muhammad saaws and accepted. [source: The Alim for Windows release 4.51, Biography of Umm Salamah]

In all cases, the woman must consent to the marriage or the marriage can be ruled invalid.  Virgins need not speak up to declare that they want a marriage; simply not speaking out against the marriage (her silence) is sufficient consent for a virgin.

• Malik related to me from Abdullah ibn al-Fadl from Nafi ibn Jubayr ibn Mutim from Abdullah ibn Abbas that the Messenger of Allah, SAAWS, said, "A woman who has been previously married is more entitled to her person than her guardian, and a virgin must be asked for her consent for herself, and her consent is her silence "  [Malik's Muwatta, Book 28, Number 28.2.4]

• The Prophet saaws said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." [Sahih Al-Bukhari 7.67]

• Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al Ansariya "...that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid." [Sahih Al-Bukhari 7.69]

• "...Her guardian should not make a promise (to somebody to get her married to him) without her knowledge..." [Sahih Al-Bukhari 7.56]

Women who are virgins must have a wali when getting married.  

• "No marriage is valid without a wali." [related by Ahmed and others and deemed sound by Ahmed, Ibn Hajar and others]

• The Prophet SAAWS said: "There is no marriage without the permission of a guardian." [Sunan of Abu Dawood 2080, Narrated Abu Musa]

• "When a woman marries without the permission of her wali, then her marriage is not valid, not valid, not valid." [Related by Ahmad, Tirmidhi and others. Tirmidhi said, this is a hasan Hadith]

If the woman does not have a male mahram relative, the Imam closest to her locality, of the same faith as her, becomes her wali.

• "If they dispute, then the sultan (man in authority) is the wali of those who have no wali." [Dawud 2078, Narrated 'Aisha , also related by Tirmidhi and others. Tirmidhi said, this is a hasan Hadith. Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad, Hadith number 1880; also in Salih al-Jaami', hadeeth number 7556.) Shaykh Al Albaanee declares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' vol. 2, no. 7556. ]

• "The believers, men and women, are awilyaa’a (allies and protectors) of one another."  [The Noble Qur'an 9:71]

• "...And never will Allâh grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers. [The Noble Qur'an 4:141]

• "O you who believe! Take not for Auliyâ' (protectors or helpers or friends) disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allâh a manifest proof against yourselves?" [The Noble Qur'an 4:144]

• "And those who disbelieve are allies to one another..." [The Noble Qur'an 8:73]

If the wali is non-mahram, such as is the case with many new reverts to Islam, she should avoid ever being alone with him.  

• "A man is never alone with a woman except that shaitan will be the third." (Related by Ahmed and Tirmidhi)

for more info:

Ummdat as-salik (The Reliance of the Traveller by Ahmad ibn Naqib al-Misri) Page 506 Book of Marriage section).  This whole section deals with the subject of marriage and the conditions of marriage with a virgin and with a thayyibah (one who has been married before).

Risala Shafi'i page 225 section " A General Order of Prohibition in One Tradition Made Particular in Another" No: 328

Action Items for the uttaqun:

• Get the wali's permission before considering a person for marriage.

Remember... Allah, subhana watala, sees everything we do!

Home - Quran & Hadith – Charity - Family & Health – Islam – Miscellaneous – Matrimonials

Human Rights - Women – Newscenter – Boycott – Chechnya – Palestine - Links